. .. IC Contact | Duplicity .. .

[konstant]

                                                                 

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[hippie_ninja]

He exhales softly, gathering himself, brushing his lips against K's temple. "What made it okay for you to sign with Sara?"

[konstant]

"She needed a win," is the first thing that comes out of his mouth. She'd been upset with him in prison of course, but there was nothing any of them could do about that, not without signing a formal contract; and that was... before.

After all the grief from the pit, after Donna disappearing though, K had looked at Sara and seen something different. Something he could do something about.

"And I needed... something. Some space. Some room." Some time.

[hippie_ninja]

"I wish I could give you that." He breathes in the scent of him, K's skin and his sweat and the fabric of his clothes and the tobacco. He's missed this. "I used to be really good at finding people safe places to be."

[konstant]

"My job was dangerous," he says after a moment, voice low. "I rarely closed a case without being injured in some way, and I accepted that. I accept that. I'm not afraid of pain."

He could have taken fewer risks, been hurt less, but he always wanted the replicants he tracked down to have as much of a choice as he could.

"But this place goes after something else, and it doesn't fight fair. I don't think any of this is safe."

[hippie_ninja]

"I know." This place prioritizes the sorts of relationships Jesus studiously avoided having during the fall. The type that he has consciously chosen not to pursue.

"None of it is safe. But no relationship ever is, K."

[konstant]

He knows that, of course; every relationship he's ever had was combative, except the one programmed to focus on him as the center of her entire world.

He traces the muscle along the back of Jesus's shoulder, following to where it connects to the next muscle and back again.

"Why not?" he asks, instead of pointing out what they both already know. Why can't they be?

[hippie_ninja]

Because they aren't. Because Jesus doesn't even know what one looks like.

"Would you still feel safe with me, knowing you could lose me tomorrow?"

[konstant]

It's the easiest question he could have asked.

"I already do." He already knows either of them could disappear at any time - die any time, be killed any time. He's still here.

But the fact that's Jesus's go to reveals more about him than it does about K's answer: "But you don't."

[hippie_ninja]

"I feel safe with you." Which terrifies him and makes him feel not safe. "It's complicated."

What matters is: "I want to be around you. I don't want you in prison, K, but I don't want you to sacrifice yourself to be free, either."

[konstant]

It is complicated, especially now; it had taken everything in him to trust what V had said, to take that chance, and then he was dumped right into the kind of contract he had been most afraid of. Even a man - or woman - who would actively have abused K in some way would have been preferable, for reasons he has difficulty explaining.

"The Dominant who took over when V - was gone." He takes a moment, steadies, keeps going. "He believed the things he was saying. He believed that I showed promise as a Submissive but that I needed... cultivation, is what he called it. He wanted me to earn back friends, earn back freedom. Earn any relationship outside of the one I'm meant to have with my contract partner."

[hippie_ninja]

"He thought he was helping you," is what Jesus is hearing now.

"Are you okay with Sara? Has it damaged your friendship?"

[konstant]

"I'm being very careful," is his first answer, and he glances at the door when he does; they're being quiet, being careful, but Sara doesn't sleep much and when she does it's light. He's sure she knows Jesus is here.

He just needs, as he said, to be very careful. "I don't know how much of this is the temporary contract, and how much is... everything."

[hippie_ninja]

He sits back a little, looking at K. "She cares about you. Deeply. I don't think this could change that for her; I hope it hasn't for you."

[konstant]

"I know," he says, because he does. He remembers how desperately she'd been trying not to push him, how much she wanted to help. "I care about her too. That doesn't change."

There's just a lot, and a lot he doesn't try to talk about, doesn't see why he would.

[hippie_ninja]

He nods; he's glad about that. But he sits back slightly to be able to see K.

"Help me understand what you're going through?"

[konstant]

K has learned to trust Jesus insofar as talking about most things go, and this isn't a case of distrust necessarily - he just has no idea where to start.

Jesus sits back. K rubs his thumb along the crest of his hip and leans his shoulders back into the headboard, quiet for a long, long time.

"I'm not trying to be difficult," he finally leads with - for his friends, for any Dominants, for the program, for himself, right now. It's what he keeps circling back to when he tries to explain. "There's just... a lot that's changed, all at once."