"I do," he admits the next time they break for breath; he does want that, he wants Jesus close, he wants to know what happens next after whatever that is he saw briefly on the other man's face in the half-light of the room.
"Is that okay?" Whether they do this, or more, or less. He just wants him to stay.
"This is where I want to be." And he would want to be there even if K said no, even if this moment he had to pack up Nibbles and go. This is where he's wanted to be for a few days now.
"Then stay with me," he says, warmly; the backs of his curled fingers trail lightly along the shape of Jesus's jaw through his beard, smooth carefully around the side of his neck to cup there when he leans his forehead close.
This time he doesn't kiss him as long, because then he's pulling K towards the bed, urging him to sit so Jesus can straddle him and give him full attention.
Jesus has seen a glimpse of how strong K is; he's the only one in Duplicity, besides the guards that didn't even know K's name or his serial number, how he wouldn't be able to move K if he didn't want to be moved, if he didn't allow it.
But for Jesus, he twists and bends and settles at a touch. Jesus barely has to pull at his hand before K is following him, barely has to turn back towards him before he's sitting and reaching to rub his hands up Jesus's back, pulling him close where he settles in turn.
Something has changed about how he says it though - resigned more than resolved, duller than before. He doesn't want to hurt Jesus, hurt Sara, be hurt.
K doesn't rush him. When he'd been sitting alone in a cell he'd found that he'd missed this, with someone he chooses to be near him anyway, with someone who chooses to be here. He strokes his fingers gently along the back of Jesus's neck and lets him stay there as long as he will.
"She needed a win," is the first thing that comes out of his mouth. She'd been upset with him in prison of course, but there was nothing any of them could do about that, not without signing a formal contract; and that was... before.
After all the grief from the pit, after Donna disappearing though, K had looked at Sara and seen something different. Something he could do something about.
"And I needed... something. Some space. Some room." Some time.
"I wish I could give you that." He breathes in the scent of him, K's skin and his sweat and the fabric of his clothes and the tobacco. He's missed this. "I used to be really good at finding people safe places to be."
"My job was dangerous," he says after a moment, voice low. "I rarely closed a case without being injured in some way, and I accepted that. I accept that. I'm not afraid of pain."
He could have taken fewer risks, been hurt less, but he always wanted the replicants he tracked down to have as much of a choice as he could.
"But this place goes after something else, and it doesn't fight fair. I don't think any of this is safe."
"I know." This place prioritizes the sorts of relationships Jesus studiously avoided having during the fall. The type that he has consciously chosen not to pursue.
"None of it is safe. But no relationship ever is, K."
It is complicated, especially now; it had taken everything in him to trust what V had said, to take that chance, and then he was dumped right into the kind of contract he had been most afraid of. Even a man - or woman - who would actively have abused K in some way would have been preferable, for reasons he has difficulty explaining.
"The Dominant who took over when V - was gone." He takes a moment, steadies, keeps going. "He believed the things he was saying. He believed that I showed promise as a Submissive but that I needed... cultivation, is what he called it. He wanted me to earn back friends, earn back freedom. Earn any relationship outside of the one I'm meant to have with my contract partner."
"I'm being very careful," is his first answer, and he glances at the door when he does; they're being quiet, being careful, but Sara doesn't sleep much and when she does it's light. He's sure she knows Jesus is here.
He just needs, as he said, to be very careful. "I don't know how much of this is the temporary contract, and how much is... everything."
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There's innuendo in there, but there's also not; they've spent nights where this was all they did and he's enjoying this.
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"Is that okay?" Whether they do this, or more, or less. He just wants him to stay.
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But for Jesus, he twists and bends and settles at a touch. Jesus barely has to pull at his hand before K is following him, barely has to turn back towards him before he's sitting and reaching to rub his hands up Jesus's back, pulling him close where he settles in turn.
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"How long do you have with Sara?" Before the contract runs out.
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"A couple weeks. I have to go back to the Down December 1st."
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Something has changed about how he says it though - resigned more than resolved, duller than before. He doesn't want to hurt Jesus, hurt Sara, be hurt.
He just also doesn't see a way around it.
"I don't know what else to do, sweeting."
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"I do too. I wish any of this made sense."
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After all the grief from the pit, after Donna disappearing though, K had looked at Sara and seen something different. Something he could do something about.
"And I needed... something. Some space. Some room." Some time.
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He could have taken fewer risks, been hurt less, but he always wanted the replicants he tracked down to have as much of a choice as he could.
"But this place goes after something else, and it doesn't fight fair. I don't think any of this is safe."
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"None of it is safe. But no relationship ever is, K."
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He traces the muscle along the back of Jesus's shoulder, following to where it connects to the next muscle and back again.
"Why not?" he asks, instead of pointing out what they both already know. Why can't they be?
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"Would you still feel safe with me, knowing you could lose me tomorrow?"
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"I already do." He already knows either of them could disappear at any time - die any time, be killed any time. He's still here.
But the fact that's Jesus's go to reveals more about him than it does about K's answer: "But you don't."
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What matters is: "I want to be around you. I don't want you in prison, K, but I don't want you to sacrifice yourself to be free, either."
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"The Dominant who took over when V - was gone." He takes a moment, steadies, keeps going. "He believed the things he was saying. He believed that I showed promise as a Submissive but that I needed... cultivation, is what he called it. He wanted me to earn back friends, earn back freedom. Earn any relationship outside of the one I'm meant to have with my contract partner."
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"Are you okay with Sara? Has it damaged your friendship?"
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He just needs, as he said, to be very careful. "I don't know how much of this is the temporary contract, and how much is... everything."
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