. .. IC Contact | Duplicity .. .

[konstant]

                                                                 

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[konstant]

K doesn't try to hold onto him, but he does turn in his chair to be able to keep watching him, hands in his lap now. Mango is delighted that Jesus comes down to her level, too, and she's temporarily distracted from the cat enough to sidle up to Jesus's side.

"I am too," K offers, but it doesn't feel like enough. Normally he wouldn't try to convince anyone of anything, wouldn't keep talking, but this is Jesus. Maybe his logic doesn't make that much sense after all, but he has to try. "This was year seven for me, and I didn't really think anything would happen - and I don't know what would happen here anyway. Not in a place where we come back." That's not why though.

"Sara started avoiding me based on the idea that I might go missing someday. I was... afraid of what would happen if anyone here learned it as a real possibility." He still is, but he stays in his seat, offers none of the more desperate things he wants to say, how he wants to say them.

My phone doesn't like the word bitching apparently

[hippie_ninja]

"I wouldn't avoid you for that," he promises, soft, earnest. "I just hate the thought that you were alone for that. Knowing it might happen."

He stands again, this time carrying Mango, and sits on the sofa. Again he offers his hand to K.

We knew what it was. ~ R. Espinosa

[konstant]

Mango, excited for attention, immediately licks at Jesus's face, chin, and neck; she's quick to burrow in against his side again, curling up next to his ribs.

K shakes his head as he stands. "That's how it's always been for me," he tries to assure him, settling down again beside him. "I didn't want anyone to have to... deal with that."

[hippie_ninja]

"I'm good at dealing with death." He leans against K when he sits, the same way almost that Mango is leaning against him.

"It's a sign of love where I'm from, to be with someone as they die. To help make it easier for them."

[konstant]

"I'm sorry," he says again, not a repetition exactly, but with more understanding. He lifts his arm out of the way, making room for Jesus to sit closer if he wants to after all.

"No one has cared the rest of my life, except Joi. It just didn't... I'm still learning the ways things are different here, where I'm the first replicant."

[hippie_ninja]

"You have a right to handle it however you want to. If Christmas comes and you want to be alone, I understand. Just as long as you know that I won't push you away because you might die." He threads their fingers together.

[konstant]

"I always have been," he says, which is not the same as wanting to be, but he is accustomed to it is what he means.

"You're sure?"

[hippie_ninja]

"I'm sure." He draws a breath. "I've had a lot of people die in my life. I can handle that loss better than I could if you pushed me away or left to 'spare' me."

[konstant]

"I'm sorry."

For those losses, for the fact that he can't change this. That he took so long to say something, that he's afraid that -

"Is it - are we still okay?" Is he going to pull away from K now like Sara did before she knew she had reason?

[hippie_ninja]

He looks up at K, immediately concerned. "Yeah. Yeah, we're fine." He is wondering how many people K has told. "I'm just going to want to see more of you this year."

[konstant]

"The years seem to go in cycles mostly. Four, six, eight. I wasn't... terribly concerned about last year, unless the city disrupted something. But this year..."

He trails off, looking down at his hands. He's never had anyone to talk to it about before, not that he would talk to about it, which makes it strange.

"This year, maybe," he admits.

[hippie_ninja]

"A year is longer than most people get in my world," when there's a death sentence, something fatal, involved.

He pulls K down to kiss him. "We'll enjoy the year. Okay?"

[konstant]

K lingers in that kiss, letting himself be pulled into it not because he doesn't beat it, but because he likes that Jesus wants it. Wants him.

He leans in once he's there though, slow and intent. He does his very best to deserve this affection, to reflect it back sevenfold.

And when he's done, he covers Jesus's hand with his own, turns his head to kiss his palm and murmur, "I already am."

[hippie_ninja]

If he's not very, very careful, he thinks he could lose his mind a bit with this man. He kisses him again, because he has no words for a moment, just this, just himself.

[konstant]

K's other hand slides around his waist, both supporting him,enjoying the solidity of him, and pulling him closer.

Which is, maybe, when the new nut subtle note to this might become more pronounced: he wants to stay here. He wants more of this, wants to be close to Jesus, wants to feel like this and whatever else comes with it for however long he has and then just one moment more.

He wants it, and he's sure he can't have it, not for long enough. So he speaks it up while he can, bittersweet and precious.

[hippie_ninja]

"The table's strong enough to hold us," he teases, but he's not really teasing. "Or wherever."

The salient point is that he wants K and he might not have him next year.

[konstant]

"Counterpoint: we've already done that," he answers, warm and teasing.

"Tell me something new you want," he bids him between kisses, easing them both back against the arm of the sofa behind him.

[hippie_ninja]

"Bend me over," he grins, but he's hooking his heels behind K already. "We always fuck face to face. ... Except I like seeing you."

Another slower kiss.

[konstant]

"So..." he drawls, and lets it trail into another kiss, pushing his hand up the back of Jesus's shirt, skin to skin.

"Fuck me face to face."

[hippie_ninja]

"Yeah?" He presses against him. "You want me to fuck you this time?"

[konstant]

"Yes." A faint twinge of a feeling, one without a name K is aware of, not uncomfortable but not comfortable either.

Giddy? He holds steady, lets Jesus rub against him as he will, and says again, "Yes I do."

[hippie_ninja]

"Have you ever been fucked before?" He asks, hand pushing K's shirt up slightly, because his answer will determine a lot.

[konstant]

"Once," K admits, and at least with Jesus, there's no uncertainty there that somehow - one way or another - this will be a flaw of some kind.

[hippie_ninja]

"We should go to the bed then," he muses, because tabletops and bent over the sofa seem like a lot for someone's second time. "I want to go slow with you."

[konstant]

"You won't hurt me," he promises; he could, it's possible of course, especially in this way when he can walk away from explosions and impalement and all manner of blunt trauma.

But he won't. All the same: "Wherever you want."