The way K snaps to is familiar, and he nods to himself, certain he's doing the right thing by asking.
"I'm going back to Veracity to look for more clues about the abductors. I need someone here to gather the intel as I send it back--someone to keep it safe so it isn't all kept in a central location. My partner has someone he'll be sending information back to the same way. But you're good at this--this was part of your job, right?"
Yes," he answers just as promptly, relieved that what Jesus is saying is readily achievable for that very reason.
"Analytical programs and equipment wasn't always available to me in the field, so I'm used to processing and recording data internally until such time as I can commit them to an official server." When K talks about anything to do with his former occupation, the uncertainty he's plagued by in Duplicity almost constantly vanishes; this he's comfortable with, this he knows he's good at doing. He was made for it. "I'd offer to go with you, but I think it would cause more problems than it would solve."
"No, I need you here," he shakes his head. "I'm used to getting in and out alone. I'll be fine. I just need to know the information is getting back to someone who can keep it safe."
"When I was there with Vrenille I interrogated a man who seemed to be near the top of things. At the least, he had a lot of information we didn't have time to go through. I'm after that." And there's a focus to him, a vibrance at the chance to be doing something for this place.
"I know you will." He thinks back, grins, and it feels good to smile. "I remember you breaking out of prison. Pretty sure not much could stop you if I called. It didn't hurt, did it?"
"No," he answers, distracted by the sudden grin, unsure what it means in practice. It keeps him from withdrawing too much as he considers Jesus's face.
"I don't... Like to do that. Sometimes people are scared by it."
He shakes his head slightly; he wasn't frightened by it. "Impressed, I'd say. For me, anyway. It made me feel a little better about your choice...knowing you weren't stuck where you didn't want to be."
"It's part of why prison doesn't worry me." He could even still get out again, he thinks, if he was willing to do real harm to the guards. He's not for just himself though.
"If I'd known it could make it better for you I'd have said." Another, not so direct apology.
"I didn't know what would've made it easier on me. I was just trying to support you." Which is what he'll do again in three months, when K will likely reach the same conclusion he did the first time around.
"I was told I could stay here for the month," he answers, automatically glancing towards the door again, towards Nibbles, and then back at a man who probably doesn't realize that support is such an odd word to K that he doesn't know what to do with it.
"I don't have anywhere besides the Down housing to go anyway. Not that won't cause problems."
K is quiet then, his gaze still scanning over Jesus's face, lingering at each feature; the shape his hairline makes and the pieces of it that always fall loose of how he ties it back first; the shape of his eyebrows; the blue of his eyes; the curve of his nose, the way it comes to a fine point; the fullness of his beard, and the way his lips form his smile, the way they frame the flash of his teeth when he talks or grins.
He brushes his fingers along the slope of his neck. "I want you to," he says, delicately, clearly, "But I'm not allowed to have visitors. I don't want you in trouble."
"I'll leave before first light, then." But he'll stay the night. He holds K's gaze, the way he's being studied, and fights a shiver of feeling. "I want to be with you. We both lost someone..."
"I'm sorry," he says again, immediately, not the least bit perfunctory even though it's almost reflexive, even though something in his expression crumbles ever so slightly.
"You found him, you brought him back, and I -" He shakes his head. "I'm sorry."
"I found him with you," Jesus lays his hand on K's cheek, urging him to look at him, to hear him. "I couldn't have done that without you. You saved him as much as I did."
"I was right here." Loading the dishwasher, wiping down the counter. He's not sure when, exactly, V vanished but he knows - "I was between him and the door, and I didn't even know until he was gone."
Some officer he is. Some friend, to not even know.
"K, I'm dead. Not just dead; I should be in a coffin. We have no idea how we're brought here. No one knows. And no one expects you to be able to stop however it is they bring or take people." His other hand on K's other cheek, desperate to be heard.
He lets himself be steadied, although raising his eyes to meet Jesus's again feels harder than breaking out of that cell had. He makes himself do it anyway, focuses on the warmth of Jesus's palms at his cheeks, at the way he leans into every word he says like he doesn't need K to believe it because he does all on his own.
But he wants him to believe it. He wants it to be enough to hold back K's doubt, which is cancerous and deep, which will kill him a second time if it gets half a chance.
He doesn't agree, but he doesn't argue either, and leans his forehead against Jesus's. Wraps his arms around Jesus, tight, and hangs on.
He slides his arms around K then, chin on K's shoulder, and wishes he knew what to say, what to do. This is all he has. This is all he can offer: being here, even if it means defying the city.
Do you think it's some kind of corruption, these dark thoughts?
K shivers, hangs on a little tighter, although this still isn't even a fraction of his strength. He wants to hold Jesus here, yes, but not to hurt him, physically or otherwise.
Jesus doesn't blame him. K turns his face into his hair, and breathes in, and tries to let that be enough for him, too. "I think this is fear," he confesses, whisper-soft.
no subject
Date: 2022-10-28 04:56 pm (UTC)"I'm going back to Veracity to look for more clues about the abductors. I need someone here to gather the intel as I send it back--someone to keep it safe so it isn't all kept in a central location. My partner has someone he'll be sending information back to the same way. But you're good at this--this was part of your job, right?"
no subject
Date: 2022-10-28 05:24 pm (UTC)"Analytical programs and equipment wasn't always available to me in the field, so I'm used to processing and recording data internally until such time as I can commit them to an official server." When K talks about anything to do with his former occupation, the uncertainty he's plagued by in Duplicity almost constantly vanishes; this he's comfortable with, this he knows he's good at doing. He was made for it. "I'd offer to go with you, but I think it would cause more problems than it would solve."
no subject
Date: 2022-10-28 05:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-28 06:47 pm (UTC)"What are you looking for? Who are you going with?" It's so much easier to focus on some other problem than what's going on inside these walls.
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Date: 2022-10-28 07:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-28 10:19 pm (UTC)"And that the city itself is unstable."
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Date: 2022-10-28 10:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-29 12:00 am (UTC)He frowns and considers a moment. "If you end up needing help and call, I'll come anyway."
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Date: 2022-10-29 01:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-29 01:23 am (UTC)"I don't... Like to do that. Sometimes people are scared by it."
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Date: 2022-10-29 01:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-29 02:03 am (UTC)"If I'd known it could make it better for you I'd have said." Another, not so direct apology.
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Date: 2022-10-29 02:40 am (UTC)"Where are you going to be staying?"
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Date: 2022-10-29 02:57 am (UTC)"I don't have anywhere besides the Down housing to go anyway. Not that won't cause problems."
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Date: 2022-10-29 03:01 am (UTC)In the end, he was only asking so he'd know where to go to find K.
"I can stay here tonight. If you want."
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Date: 2022-10-29 03:15 am (UTC)He brushes his fingers along the slope of his neck. "I want you to," he says, delicately, clearly, "But I'm not allowed to have visitors. I don't want you in trouble."
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Date: 2022-10-29 03:19 am (UTC)The same someone.
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Date: 2022-10-29 03:27 am (UTC)"You found him, you brought him back, and I -" He shakes his head. "I'm sorry."
He let them both down.
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Date: 2022-10-29 03:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-10-29 04:00 am (UTC)Some officer he is. Some friend, to not even know.
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Date: 2022-10-29 04:02 am (UTC)"It is not your fault."
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Date: 2022-10-29 04:18 am (UTC)But he wants him to believe it. He wants it to be enough to hold back K's doubt, which is cancerous and deep, which will kill him a second time if it gets half a chance.
He doesn't agree, but he doesn't argue either, and leans his forehead against Jesus's. Wraps his arms around Jesus, tight, and hangs on.
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Date: 2022-10-29 04:22 am (UTC)"I don't blame you for this."
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Date: 2022-10-29 04:28 am (UTC)Did they program you to have dark thoughts?
Do you think it's some kind of corruption, these dark thoughts?
K shivers, hangs on a little tighter, although this still isn't even a fraction of his strength. He wants to hold Jesus here, yes, but not to hurt him, physically or otherwise.
Jesus doesn't blame him. K turns his face into his hair, and breathes in, and tries to let that be enough for him, too. "I think this is fear," he confesses, whisper-soft.
Maybe it's a spot of rust or something.
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Date: 2022-10-29 04:30 am (UTC)If he holds K like this, if they don't let go, could he just vanish right out of his arms?
"What are your thoughts doing?"
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