It is complicated, especially now; it had taken everything in him to trust what V had said, to take that chance, and then he was dumped right into the kind of contract he had been most afraid of. Even a man - or woman - who would actively have abused K in some way would have been preferable, for reasons he has difficulty explaining.
"The Dominant who took over when V - was gone." He takes a moment, steadies, keeps going. "He believed the things he was saying. He believed that I showed promise as a Submissive but that I needed... cultivation, is what he called it. He wanted me to earn back friends, earn back freedom. Earn any relationship outside of the one I'm meant to have with my contract partner."
"I'm being very careful," is his first answer, and he glances at the door when he does; they're being quiet, being careful, but Sara doesn't sleep much and when she does it's light. He's sure she knows Jesus is here.
He just needs, as he said, to be very careful. "I don't know how much of this is the temporary contract, and how much is... everything."
"I know," he says, because he does. He remembers how desperately she'd been trying not to push him, how much she wanted to help. "I care about her too. That doesn't change."
There's just a lot, and a lot he doesn't try to talk about, doesn't see why he would.
K has learned to trust Jesus insofar as talking about most things go, and this isn't a case of distrust necessarily - he just has no idea where to start.
Jesus sits back. K rubs his thumb along the crest of his hip and leans his shoulders back into the headboard, quiet for a long, long time.
"I'm not trying to be difficult," he finally leads with - for his friends, for any Dominants, for the program, for himself, right now. It's what he keeps circling back to when he tries to explain. "There's just... a lot that's changed, all at once."
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"Would you still feel safe with me, knowing you could lose me tomorrow?"
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"I already do." He already knows either of them could disappear at any time - die any time, be killed any time. He's still here.
But the fact that's Jesus's go to reveals more about him than it does about K's answer: "But you don't."
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What matters is: "I want to be around you. I don't want you in prison, K, but I don't want you to sacrifice yourself to be free, either."
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"The Dominant who took over when V - was gone." He takes a moment, steadies, keeps going. "He believed the things he was saying. He believed that I showed promise as a Submissive but that I needed... cultivation, is what he called it. He wanted me to earn back friends, earn back freedom. Earn any relationship outside of the one I'm meant to have with my contract partner."
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"Are you okay with Sara? Has it damaged your friendship?"
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He just needs, as he said, to be very careful. "I don't know how much of this is the temporary contract, and how much is... everything."
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There's just a lot, and a lot he doesn't try to talk about, doesn't see why he would.
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"Help me understand what you're going through?"
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Jesus sits back. K rubs his thumb along the crest of his hip and leans his shoulders back into the headboard, quiet for a long, long time.
"I'm not trying to be difficult," he finally leads with - for his friends, for any Dominants, for the program, for himself, right now. It's what he keeps circling back to when he tries to explain. "There's just... a lot that's changed, all at once."