K is quiet then, trying to sift through that reaction, those words. He wants to insist Jesus didn't screw anything up - there's still no blame in him for Jesus needing to get out of a corner - but not only does he know that's how Jesus himself sees it, something has definitely changed and it wasn't K. They both have acknowledged it as a mistake, but they're still working back towards each other again.
It makes him cautious, and would even if Jesus weren't still recovering from the last several days. If they all weren't. So his question, when he asks it, is both careful and earnest: if Jesus says no, he'll willingly respect that.
"Can I ask you more about... How you view what we've got?"
Trying is all K can ask of him, but even getting permission, even seeing that Jesus isn't entirely reluctant doesn't make him willing to simply plunge ahead into this.
"How - you were using a lot of words before to explain. I don't know how much of that was fear, and how much you still believe." He can read the emotions Jesus is having real time, but the labels seem to be the problem this time, so he doesn't know how to get around that, or how to ask about that.
"I meant it all. Fear maybe made me more wordy than I normally would have been but I don't regret anything I said." He looks up at K as they trail out into the woods.
"I want to be together with you. I just don't know... What to call us. If you even want to go that way."
"I do. But you name something and it changes that thing. It's like quantum physics," he's about to start babbling like he had before and he bites his tongue. Stop. Breathe.
"I meant it when I said I love you. I wouldn't mind a word that means that."
He meant it when he said love, and isn't that something.
K tables the word conversation for the moment, just absorbing that. It's not that he hasn't seen how Jesus looks at him, it's not that he doesn't know he cares about him - deeply even.
But aloud is different, and they both know it. So he walks with that, and when he does finally say something it's, "Joi's the only one that's ever said that to me. She was gone a moment later."
He looks over at Jesus, hoping - hoping - it's not too soon to say in return, "I love you, too, you know."
What's it like to hold the hand of someone you love?
K slides their fingers together - finger to finger, he doesn't say but he thinks it anyway - and they won't be able to keep this up long but he lifts their hands so he can kiss Jesus's middle knuckle. He's careful of the healing split there, but unhesitating for all of that.
"Interlinked," he murmurs softly, with more warmth than he ever answered the script.
"Will you tell me the Baseline script someday? All of it?" Because the few things he's heard are intriguing, because it's important to K, and also because there are pieces of it he wants to answer for K. Like how it feels to touch finger to finger. Like what it feels like to be loved.
It's not something he's ever been asked before either. Most humans don't even know it exists, of course, which isn't their fault but they wouldn't have asked in Los Angeles anyway.
"It's important to you. Almost a part of you, in a way." The way K uses it to steady himself, to assess himself. "Is that okay? You don't have to if you don't want to."
"I don't... know," he admits, but in the way that he would have answered if he'd been asked what a banana tastes like before coming here. Not hesitant, necessarily, just completely without the information.
"I've never tried to explain it to anyone before. Or share it."
He has to think about it, has to try and frame it in a way that isn't tied strictly to a small white room with a camera and a mechanical voice coming out of the wall. During this time they have to climb up a hill and K gives Jesus his hand back for balance, but he stays close.
"It feels closer to... a prayer, sometimes. Or a set of rules you set for yourself."
"Maybe for the better." They don't know. They can't know unless they do something about it.
When he has his hand back he pickpockets K's phone, though, and changes his screenname as they walk, well aware K will see him doing it. Names change things and he noticed they both changed theirs back to default.
K watches, but makes no move to stop him or take it back. Just peers curiously at the screen, waiting patiently to be handed it back.
"If you told anyone in Los Angeles that you loved a replicant - if you meant it - you'd be charged with a misdemeanor. If you tried to do anything about it, it could be a felony." Just so Jesus knows why it's so strange for K to hear, to know.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It makes him cautious, and would even if Jesus weren't still recovering from the last several days. If they all weren't. So his question, when he asks it, is both careful and earnest: if Jesus says no, he'll willingly respect that.
"Can I ask you more about... How you view what we've got?"
no subject
no subject
"How - you were using a lot of words before to explain. I don't know how much of that was fear, and how much you still believe." He can read the emotions Jesus is having real time, but the labels seem to be the problem this time, so he doesn't know how to get around that, or how to ask about that.
no subject
"I want to be together with you. I just don't know... What to call us. If you even want to go that way."
no subject
"Do we need a word?" he asks, still feeling a bit like he's on ice that should hold but with no way to tell. "Do you want one?"
no subject
"I meant it when I said I love you. I wouldn't mind a word that means that."
no subject
He meant it when he said love, and isn't that something.
K tables the word conversation for the moment, just absorbing that. It's not that he hasn't seen how Jesus looks at him, it's not that he doesn't know he cares about him - deeply even.
But aloud is different, and they both know it. So he walks with that, and when he does finally say something it's, "Joi's the only one that's ever said that to me. She was gone a moment later."
He looks over at Jesus, hoping - hoping - it's not too soon to say in return, "I love you, too, you know."
no subject
They've said it. It feels good. He hadn't expected it to feel good.
He's smiling as they walk. The ground is uneven now, so he'll have to let go sooner than he wants, but for now he takes K's hand.
"I'm lucky."
no subject
K slides their fingers together - finger to finger, he doesn't say but he thinks it anyway - and they won't be able to keep this up long but he lifts their hands so he can kiss Jesus's middle knuckle. He's careful of the healing split there, but unhesitating for all of that.
"Interlinked," he murmurs softly, with more warmth than he ever answered the script.
no subject
no subject
Now he looks at Jesus, curious. "Yes, but - why?"
no subject
no subject
"I don't... know," he admits, but in the way that he would have answered if he'd been asked what a banana tastes like before coming here. Not hesitant, necessarily, just completely without the information.
"I've never tried to explain it to anyone before. Or share it."
no subject
no subject
"It feels closer to... a prayer, sometimes. Or a set of rules you set for yourself."
no subject
He may not like that it was once the line between K being retired or being sent back out to risk his life, but he likes what it means to K now.
no subject
But he can't help but smile a little at the mention of a koan, even if it doesn't last longer than the top of the hill.
"Names change things. Maybe it will change this."
no subject
When he has his hand back he pickpockets K's phone, though, and changes his screenname as they walk, well aware K will see him doing it. Names change things and he noticed they both changed theirs back to default.
no subject
"If you told anyone in Los Angeles that you loved a replicant - if you meant it - you'd be charged with a misdemeanor. If you tried to do anything about it, it could be a felony." Just so Jesus knows why it's so strange for K to hear, to know.
"What are we, to you?"
no subject
"You're my lover." And the word has extra weight when the 'love' is actually meant. "You're special to me. What word do you want to use?"
no subject
"I don't even know what the options are. Or how much we'd even want to risk changing what... Is."