He wants to shrug, wants to refuse to take responsibility for having an answer like real people do sometimes, but that's not an option for him.

"I haven't been, but - if it's not like that, I don't know what it'll be like. And I'd understand if you'd rather not be around me until we know for sure either way."

Even on a normal day, but he'd also seen the way Jesus held himself decidedly separate instead of simply not thinking of being closer.